Wednesday, December 2, 2009

adoption vs. ivf

back in may of 2008 we met with our RE, in which we were told our chances of ever conceiving on our own was, in his words, "slim to none". since then we've thought about our two ways of starting our family- adoption or ivf. they are both great ways to bring children into the homes of those wanting to start their family or add to it. we've been trying to decide which is best for us. i/we go back and forth. one month we want to adopt, and the next we want to try ivf.
last night we talked about the two scenarios. i feel i have made up my mind. adoption. i feel that adoption is a guarantee. we will eventually get the baby that is meant to be in our family. with ivf, there is no guarantee. we can spend upwards of $10,000 only to have the procedure fail.
everytime we do sealing ordinances in the temple (we try to go 1x month with my inlaws) i get all emotional thinking of being sealed to our child in the temple. maybe that is heavenly father's way of letting me know that we will adopt and have children sealed to us that way. im not sure. at this point we are diligently saving as much $$ as we can and looking for ways to improve our situation. as much as we want children so badly, we just havent had the urgent feeling to move ahead yet.
have any of you felt this way? how did you come to a decision? i know through prayer we will get our answer. did you pray consistently for an answer of how to start your family before you even felt ready to move forward?


  1. oh the joys of being mormon and infertile. Welcome! Its a hard decision to adopt or do IVF. You have to be at complete peace with things to move forward with adoption. Complete peace I think. I have done two IVF cycles one failed and one miscarriage and we plan on doing round three. I havent come close to peace with things and that is why we will continue to try. Yes the money is a killer. Our insurance doesnt pay a dime. So thats pretty awesome. But we are sacrificing lots to make big payments. Good luck.

  2. As Erin says, you have to be at total peace with your infertility to do adoption. We had to take a year off of treatments before we started the paperwork. In that time we knew that if we never have children, we would be ok. But we did want children and knew that being parents were part of our future. Adoption was our only way and we love that this is how our family will grow. You need to be completely willing to give up control and let other people help you. That was the hardest part to overcome for us. Know that your path will open up for you and it will seem natural that your decision will lead to your child. Whichever way it comes.

  3. thank you ladies:)
    somedays i feel peace with our situation, other days i'm a crying, frazzled mess.

  4. Ohhhh!!! Adoption is just wonderful!! I know several families that have adopted and have been so blessed because of it! When it is time you will know- without a doubt you will just know. I think you will find that when Heaveny Father moves, He moves!!! Oh but the being patient part is IMPOSSIBLE I know!!!! You're obviously meant to be a Mother. You wouldn't have the feelings you are having if you weren't. I know a lot of women that can't have children and are perfectly fine with the idea. The fact that you are longing so is a good thing- so to speak! LOL!!! It means that your family circle is not yet complete. I do seriously continue to hope and pray for you-often. Hee, hee- I don't know your name but Heavenly Father knows who Mrs. Infertility is!!! :0) I can't wait to see where your journey takes you. Until then, Thank You for sharing your experiences- you are helping so many.

  5. We had to make the same decisions. We went the IVF route first because we had a IVF garantee plan from our RE. Three IVF's and if they didn't work we got 80% of our money back. We figured we'd take the 80% and adopt. Our first IVF worked and we got miracle boy! :)

  6. So know what you are feeling. To see the whole story, go here..

    Long story short, we were at the same point as you. We felt confused about IVF and adoption, the only thing that felt right was to wait. And so we waited for another 3 years and then I felt these promptings to go to a new OB/GYN at a certain time (in a new town that we felt prompted to move too). There I was told the story of a lady who was looking for a family. If I would have been there any other time we would not have met her. Our son was born 2 weeks after that appointment. God works Miracles! Good luck!

  7. Hi! I just came across your blog and am so glad to have found it. I apologize now for the long response! My husband and I struggled with your same question, but ultimately wanted to try anything we could with our fertility doctors first. We just kept getting the same answer to our prayers that we needed to keep trying on our own before seeking out other options.

    After many many other procedures (IUI's Hysteroscopy, Laporoscopy, etc. etc.- you know the drill) we did 2 rounds of IVF. The first round didn't work but the second one did! I'm now 17 weeks pregnant and am still in shock. I mean every day- shock. It's an amazing feeling to have.

    I agree 100% with the comments about needing to be at peace with everything before moving onto adoption. I guess after many prayers, we just didn't feel that peace to move on yet and continued with procedures. We just kept feeling a drive to continue despite the emotional/financial/physical costs.
    We also had to pay out of pocket. In the end, I must admit that I am very happy we persisted and listened to the feelings we had.

    As cliche as it might sound, I KNOW Heavenly Father answers prayers in His own timing. After our first and unsuccessful IVF procedure, I was pretty bitter for a few months and felt so drained. However, I began to realize that I was trying so hard to get pregnant that I had become this non-stop robot trying to get my "well-deserved" results. It dawned on me that I needed to be at peace with my path on the infertility road before I tried another procedure and realize that Heavenly Father's will/timing was what mattered most. I think with the 2nd round of IVF I was so much more at peace with the situtation and was trying to be as close to Heavenly father as I could so that when needed, I could receive further answers to my prayers as to whether we should stop and move on to adoption.Plus- I began to put my burden more on the Savior and remembered that he of all people had suffered so much and KNEW what we were going through.

    I obviously don't know you, but I wish I could give you a big hug and let you know that you're not alone in this trial. I don't understand a lot of things, but I do know that Heavenly Father DOES know us and that you'll find the answer to your prayers. :-)

  8. Thank You for sharing your experiences- you are helping so many.

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